A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

Not everybody hates me. Only the people who've met me.

I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I'd got out.

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.