A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, how are you going to get into the corners?"

I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.

Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy.