A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.

I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.