A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there's so many real reasons to hate others.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?

The only work I ever turned down was a cable programme called Diving for Excrement.

I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.

Some comedians change their style, often to their advantage; but I see no reason why I can't continue with the "urbane sophisticate" 'til the day I die.