I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges him.
Not everybody hates me. Only the people who've met me.
I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'