The only work I ever turned down was a cable programme called Diving for Excrement.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.

I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.

One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.

My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.

All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there's so many real reasons to hate others.