I try not to talk during the day when I have a show that night. My voice is my instrument, just like a saxophonist's instrument is his saxophone, plus also his voice, if he's the one between tunes that makes announcements.

I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, how are you going to get into the corners?"

Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don't know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.