Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

Not everybody hates me. Only the people who've met me.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. It's an organism on its own. I focus on that living hydra in the dark.

If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don't have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.