Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there's so many real reasons to hate others.

Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.

When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.

In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted "should I yay him or nay him?" pantywaist ever again.

I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.