Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.

My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

I'll do anything for my wife, it's turning out.