I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.

For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!

Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.