I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?

Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?

Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.

I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'