I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.

I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?

Not everybody hates me. Only the people who've met me.

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, "children are our most prescious natural resource". I thought, "let's hope it never comes to that".

I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.