In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

Cell phones are like a dog's nipples... you don't have to shout into them!

I thought I was raptured up into the air today; turns out, it was just my gas oven exploding.

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.