I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.

It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

I'm not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?

You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.