How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.

I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.

Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?

I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.