I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.

Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.

I learned about sex the hard way... from books.

I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.

I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.

Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.

You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.