I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.

Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, "we've never had a democrat in the family before".

I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.

When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.