You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

Isn't this a wonderful country? I was in Florida. I'm staying at a motel called the Three Palms. It's run by a middle-aged couple, one of whom is missing a hand. OK! That's what I thought, too! But they got upset when I asked.

Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.

I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.

My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.