Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.

I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.

You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.

I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, how are you going to get into the corners?"