If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.

I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

I'd be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I'd run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.

I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.