My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.

The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.

You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.