My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

I'd be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I'd run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.

I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.

Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.