Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don't know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.

Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.

The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.

I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.

My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.