When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.

My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.