I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

Not everybody hates me. Only the people who've met me.

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.

I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.

When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!