My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, "we've never had a democrat in the family before".

Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?