My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.

I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.

I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.

Sometimes my mother goes through my socks and underwear. I wouldn't mind, but it tickles so much!

I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.