Isn't this a wonderful country? I was in Florida. I'm staying at a motel called the Three Palms. It's run by a middle-aged couple, one of whom is missing a hand. OK! That's what I thought, too! But they got upset when I asked.

In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted "should I yay him or nay him?" pantywaist ever again.

I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.

Some comedians change their style, often to their advantage; but I see no reason why I can't continue with the "urbane sophisticate" 'til the day I die.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges him.

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.