My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don't know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.

I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.

The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.