Because we allow handguns. When you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.
Emo PhilipsI love my family. I came home the other days. My brother's passed-out on the couch, holding an empty bottle of sleeping pills. So I called the paramedics, and they pumped his stomach, and I think he's learned his lesson: you know, never to take my last two sleeping pills.
Emo PhilipsI was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
Emo PhilipsEveryone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
Emo Philips