I'm not as good a swimmer as I used to be - thanks to evolution.

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service.

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.

My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.

I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.