I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.

I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.

I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.