I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.

My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid...and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.

My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.

I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!"

If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.