I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.

I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.

Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?

My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.