I was sick of people making fun of my hair and so I cut it off and I've got much more attention than ever before. It was like when Mona Lisa was stolen from the Louvre in 1906 - three times more people came to see where it used to be.

I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!"

I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.

I'll do anything for my wife, it's turning out.

I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service.