I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady...take your purse.'

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

I was walking down the street. something caught my eye, and dragged it fifteen feet.

Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.

I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don't know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.

They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.