When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.

The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.

My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.

Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.