You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.