The nicest present I ever got was an exploding suppository.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'