My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.

Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.

I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I'd got out.

I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.

I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.

Sometimes my mother goes through my socks and underwear. I wouldn't mind, but it tickles so much!