My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid...and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.

I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.

I'd be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I'd run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.

I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.

I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.