There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose, but women who have been dealt a hand for life and play each card one at a time the best way they know how. No mother is all good or all bad, all laughing or all serious, all loving or all angry. Ambivalence rushes through their veins.

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.

When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.