You just can't make up random information and say it sarcastically and have it make sense. You can't just be like, 'I went out on a date with a Jewish girl. She was more rude than a wolfcat - an animal I've made up and decided is rude.

I spent the day today at Brighton Beach, walking around. It's a Russian/Jewish neighborhood. And I was in a store and I saw a board game called 'Let My People Go,' based on the Jews' exodus from Egypt. I was like, 'Too soon.

I don't think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.

The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.

In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was 'talking dirty.'

Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.

Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.