I moved recently and I moved my cable and Internet and phone service which was all provided by Time Warner Cable. And you know, I made a plan with them where they'd come sometime between summer solstice and winter solstice and I would wait.

I just loved comedy as a kid and I think at some point, it just occurred to me that you could try it, and I did.

Like if you're Jewish you have to wear a hat, but only in the middle of your head. But it all becomes clear the second that you realize that God is a 12-year-old boy with Asperger's.

There's something therapeutic about connecting with an audience - when there's something really sort of odd or silly that you think is funny, and conveying it to an audience.

I like the idea of being sort of withdrawn and mysterious, and what can be more mysterious that someone wearing a trash bag, like a dark trash bag, with eye holes that say "nihilism?" You'd be curious. What's underneath that? Is it perfect? Or is it broken?

In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was 'talking dirty.'

I can kill a dog in six ways. Five of them are throwing missiles at it.