I don't think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.

I remember the first time I had sex. I wore a cape and goggles... because I didn't know.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.

I spent the day today at Brighton Beach, walking around. It's a Russian/Jewish neighborhood. And I was in a store and I saw a board game called 'Let My People Go,' based on the Jews' exodus from Egypt. I was like, 'Too soon.

Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.

I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.