I forget, is freedom of speech when it's legal to say what you want or is it when it has no consequences for some reason?

In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was 'talking dirty.'

Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.

Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job.

Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.