The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal as someone like Marc Maron or a lot of comedians, but they are essentially my life and my interpretation of it.

I can kill a dog in six ways. Five of them are throwing missiles at it.

I'm fascinated by the logic that leads to something.

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.

I just loved comedy as a kid and I think at some point, it just occurred to me that you could try it, and I did.

Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive.