To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.
Eugene MirmanI don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
Eugene MirmanMarriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
Eugene MirmanThere was one woman who had a giant sign and on it, it just said, 'America Is Better Than Abortion.' I think she meant that America was too good a place for the horror of abortion. But instead, it sounded like she had weighed both - the American spirit and getting an abortion and decided that American spirit better. I think it is a bad idea to have grammatically ambiguous protest signs.
Eugene MirmanBoys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
Eugene Mirman