Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.

When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.

I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.

Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.