Comedy clubs were something that came to pass in the '80s, but toward the end of that, in the early '90s, people started doing comedy again in alternative spaces.

I saw this huge billboard that said: 'Abortion Hurts' and then it had a drawing of a butterfly. Who is that for? Is there a lady who's going to see that and be like, 'Oh, I was going to get an abortion but now that I realize it hurts I guess I'll just give birth to a child! 'Cause I know that's painless and raising it should be a snap!'

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

I can kill a dog in six ways. Five of them are throwing missiles at it.

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.

You are an alchemist who can turn six beers into an awkward three week relationship.