Comedy clubs were something that came to pass in the '80s, but toward the end of that, in the early '90s, people started doing comedy again in alternative spaces.

A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.

You are an alchemist who can turn six beers into an awkward three week relationship.

On a quick side note, I would argue that--much like Samuel L. Jackson--I am not arrogant at all; I'm just actually really, really great.

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.

You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?