It's easy to sit on a mountaintop and tell people what to do and how to be happy. I have chosen to do that. Not because it's easy, but for a different reason, which I would reveal, if your mind was ready to handle it, which it isn't, which is also very convenient for me.

On a quick side note, I would argue that--much like Samuel L. Jackson--I am not arrogant at all; I'm just actually really, really great.

You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

Comedy clubs were something that came to pass in the '80s, but toward the end of that, in the early '90s, people started doing comedy again in alternative spaces.

What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

Imagine the wars we would've avoided if prior generations had a website where they could debate tragedy and politics in terse sentences?