Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.

Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.

[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.

Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.