Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.

Egocentricity: The vanity that makes you wonder what people are thinking about you when they are really wondering what you are thinking about them.

A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.

Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.