Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.

We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth.

A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.

Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.

The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.

Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.

Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.