The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.

[Statistics] The science that can prove everything except the usefulness of statistics.

Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.

Divorce is the price people play for playing with matches.

Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

A lecturer often makes you feel dumb at one end and numb at the other.