The three chief causes of divorce are men, women, and marriage.

The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.

A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.