The three chief causes of divorce are men, women, and marriage.

[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.

Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.

Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.

Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.