Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.

Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond