The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired [talking].

[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.

Children grow out of childhood, but parents never grow out of parenthood.

Egocentricity: The vanity that makes you wonder what people are thinking about you when they are really wondering what you are thinking about them.