Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.

Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.

Some people would never get any exercise at all if they didn't have to walk to their cars.

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.

Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.