Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Some women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables.

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.

We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth.