Somebody is always doing something that somebody else said couldn't be done.

A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.

If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.

A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.

After wisdom comes wit.

Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.